Do you often feel you鈥檙e not good enough? That you get things wrong all the time? That you鈥檙e somehow just unlikeable? If so, you鈥檙e suffering from low self-esteem.
It鈥檚 common for people to feel bad about themselves from time to time, but when low self-esteem goes on for a long time, it can have a serious impact. It often makes us anxious and depressed. And it can hold us back socially and stop us trying new things and facing challenges.
Self-esteem is not fixed. Over time, we can learn to see ourselves in a more positive light.
Why am I feeling so bad about myself?
There are many different factors that can shape how we see ourselves, and these influences can vary widely from person to person. What affects one individual鈥檚 self-esteem may not affect another in the same way.
In some cases the way parents or carers communicate with us during childhood can influence how we view ourselves later in life.
Sometimes our self-esteem gets undermined from being bullied at school or being in an abusive relationship.
Social pressures also play a part. We鈥檙e encouraged to aspire to wealth, fame and beauty as measures of worth and can easily feel we鈥檙e behind. Meanwhile, social media pushes us to compare ourselves unfavourably with others.
Challenges at university might contribute too. If you find it hard to make friends or you see others doing better than you academically, you might end up concluding there must be something wrong with you.
What can I do to feel better now?
Be kind to yourself
When you catch yourself being harshly self-critical, ask yourself: 鈥淲ould I speak to a close friend that way?鈥� Instead, talk to yourself with kindness and encouragement. And remember: making mistakes is part of being human, nobody is perfect and we all have flaws.Do something you enjoy
Whether it鈥檚 going for a walk or cooking a meal, simple pleasures can make you feel a bit better about your life.Challenge negative self-talk
You may tell yourself you're too stupid for your course or that nobody likes you. But is it really true? Examine the evidence for and against. Might there be a more balanced and realistic way of seeing things?Recognise your own worth
Write down positive things about yourself. Maybe you鈥檙e thoughtful or a good cook or someone others can rely on. Start with at least five positive things on your list and add to it regularly.Celebrate your successes
At the end of the day, write down three things that went well for you. Small is fine. You can praise yourself just for making your bed in the morning or getting to one of your lectures.鈥�
What can I do to feel better over time?
Understand yourself better
You weren鈥檛 born with low self-esteem. Be curious about who or what caused you to feel this way. Then you can start recognising when these messages are untrue and unhelpful 鈥� and exploring more realistic and helpful perspectives. Talking to a counsellor can help you work through these feelings and discover new perspectives.Seek positive relationships
Where possible, spend time with people who make you feel ok about yourself. You could even take the risk of opening up to a trustworthy friend.Challenge yourself
Join a society, try a new activity or sign up for some volunteering. Learning to do something new can help restore self-belief.Limit social media use
Scrolling through images of people鈥檚 apparently perfect lives is rarely helpful.Assert yourself
You might find yourself saying yes to other people even when you don鈥檛 really want to. It鈥檚 important to be clear about what your boundaries are. Sometimes that means saying no 鈥� even when that feels difficult.
Videos to help you feel better
These videos also offer helpful tips for overcoming low self-esteem:
- explains how low self-esteem starts and how we can start to remedy it (4-minute watch).
- offers ideas to develop your self-confidence (10-minute watch).
- explains how to challenge negative self-talk (7-minute watch).
Apps you can use
Our free Be Well app is full of practical tools to help you manage your wellbeing. It includes podcasts on self-compassion and on facing your fears. It also guides you through how to challenge negative thoughts.
Here are two other apps you could try:
- is a free mindfulness meditation app. It includes talks and guided meditations to help you practise self-compassion.
- provides tools to reduce self-criticism and improve self-image.
Podcasts you can listen to
These podcasts provide insight and advice on low self-esteem:
- is an episode of Dr Rangan Chatterjee鈥檚 popular podcast Feel Better Live More.
- is a show that offers advice from first-hand experiences.
- is a series providing personal stories, talks and guidance.
Helpful web pages
- The NHS has some simple and also provides a .
- The Centre for Clinical Interventions provides a using principles from cognitive behavioural therapy.
- There鈥檚 a good on the Psychology Tools website.
Books you can read
For a deeper dive into how to overcome low self-esteem, try reading by Kristin Neff, a professor at the University of Texas at Austin and a pioneer in self-compassion research.
You could also work through by clinical psychologist Joe Oliver.
People you can talk to
If low self-esteem is spoiling your life, there are people who can help.
You can call our鈥�Be Well 鈥� Talk Now鈥痯honeline any time on 0800 028 3766. You can talk to an advisor about how you鈥檙e feeling.
You can talk things through with one of the Student Support Advisors. They will listen, offer suggestions and can refer you for counselling here at the University.
Final thoughts
Low self-esteem can be debilitating. But there are steps you can take to change how you see yourself. Developing self-awareness, challenging negative beliefs and being kind to ourselves can all help.
Also, remember you don鈥檛 have to do it alone. If it feels like things will never change, ask for support.
This page was created by Student Support in partnership with students here 性视界.